Cereal in His Coffee
by Ehliena
Summary: Dick loves cereal, Tim loves coffee. Some things just shouldn't mix.


Tim was working on the computer in the cave early one morning when someone placed a cup of coffee right beside the console.

"Drink up Timmers," Dick said. "You've been at this all night. You need to sleep or at least drink some joe."

"I just need to finish this report," Tim protested, his eyes never leaving the screen, but his typing speed did slow down a bit. "I'm almost finished. Thanks for the coffee."

"No problem Tim. Just get some rest okay?"

With that Dick turned to head up to the Manor. Before he could even make it to the stairs, he heard Tim coughing and whacking his chest.

"Tim?" Dick raced to his brother and started to thump his back. "You okay? What happened?" he asked as soon as the coughing fit subsided.

"There's cereal in my coffee," Tim said weakly glaring at the cup as if it was offending him somehow.

"Yes?"

"There is cereal. In my coffee."

Apparently, the coughing broke Tim. He was repeating himself.

"Dick? Why is there cereal in my coffee?" Tim asked, toning down his glare into a more questioning look rather than the burning hatred he seemed to have for the cup.

"Oh, did you choke on a piece?" Dick asked. Tim was obviously so tired that he forgot to chew or look at the contents of the mug before swallowing.

"Dick. Why. Is. There. Cereal. In. My. Coffee."

"You and B don't really eat much, so I decided to help you out and put cereal in your coffee. Two-in-one, you know?"

Tim just intensified his glare. "So you mean to say, you gave me and Bruce coffee with cereal in it to get us to eat more?"

"Not exactly."

"Define exactly."

Tim was definitely channeling his inner Bruce. There was no way that the teen would be so dark otherwise. That of he was just mourning the waste of a perfectly good cup of coffee. In any case, Dick knew there was no escaping answering Tim's question, so he just answered it as lainly as he could.

"I tried it out on you first."

Tim processed that information, his glare losing a bit of it's Bruce-ness. Then when he realized the implication, darn his thought processes were slower than usual, he might need to sleep or coffee, he reacted as any teenager would.

"You mean you made me a guinea pig?" He asked his voice louder than usual. Which was definitely due to the stress he put on his body, he rationalized to himself, otherwise, he would be cool and collected, and his question would sound dangerous rather than the teenage outburst that it came out as.

"No!" Dick vehemently denied. "Of course I wouldn't use you as a guinea pig Timmers!"

"Did Damian put you up to this?" Tim asked after deciding for a moment if Dick was lying to him. He was pleased that his voice was under control. He wouldn't put it past the Demon Brat to try and kill him, manipulating Dick in order to do so.

"Damian?" Dick clarified. "No, no of course not. Damian doesn't know about this."

Before Tim could think of another question, a voice rang out from the stairs leading to the manor.

"What doesn't Damian know about?"

The two turned their heads to see Bruce standing there with an eyebrow raised. They were both at a loss for words for a moment. Tim was wondering how on earth to explain to the Batman that he almost died, not at the hands of a psychopath, but by cereal (of all things) going down the wrong tube. Dick was more concerned about Bruce being awake at this hour, which meant that either the man didn't get enough sleep or that he didn't sleep at all, neither were good for Bruce's health.

"Dick almost killed me with cereal," Tim blurted out, deciding that in this instance the best approach to take was the direct one. "He put it in my coffee."

"Hn."

Ah the non-commital trademark Batman "hn." Dick was either in trouble or Bruce was laughing on the inside.

"Grayson tried to kill you?" Damian clarified, stepping out from behind Bruce's back. "And using coffee too. I would commend you on your creativity Grayson, but it seems you have failed to eliminate Drake. Nonetheless, I would never have expected you to try."

"It was an accident Damian," Dick explained. "I wasn't trying to kill Tim. He just didn't expect there to be cereal in his coffee."

"Then you are both inept," Damian concluded. "You at trying to assasinate Drake, and Drake at being assasinated."

"Hey!" Tim protested. One of these days he was going to straight up murder the Spawn.

"Enough," Bruce said quietly butwith full authority. "Tim go upstairs and have some breakfast before you get some sleep. Alfred has bacon and eggs ready. And coffee. I'm pretty sure it has no cereal in it." The last sentence was added as an afterthought.

"But B! I'm not done with my report."

"It can wait. Go now."

"Hah, even Father-" Damian started but he was cut off.

"You too Damian," Bruce as he put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "You haven't had breakfast either. Go with Tim. And no batarangs at the table." He pulled one out from where Damian was keeping it. "I expect you to leave the other five on my desk."

"Well done, Father," Damian looked annoyed, but left with Tim anyway, leaving Dick and Bruce alone in the Cave.

"Look B, I was-"

"Cereal in his coffee? Really Dick?"

"In my defense," Dick replied, a bit sheepishly. "I thought it tasted fine."

"You would," Bruce told him, smirking just a bit. "Come on, let's head up to breakfast. Alfred makes sure we're all fed _proper_ food."

Dick grinned and headed up with Bruce. As much as he loved cereal, nothing beat starting the day with one of Alfred's meals. As long as it wasn't waffles.

* * *

Because one time I was rushing through my morning and decided to drink my coffee with cereal. Previously posted on AO3 and Tumblr.

I accepts prompts, btw. Reviews are very welcome. ^.^


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